Saturday, April 4, 2009

Soft Broadcast Lead

WHERE THERE'S SMOKE...THERE'S CAKE!
45 seconds

EARLIER TODAY, 24 TULSA FIREMEN CRASHED A 95-YEAR OLD WOMAN'S BIRTHDAY PARTY...THE LIGHTING OF 95 CANDLES ON A BIRTHDAY CAKE FOR MABEL MCCULLOUGH (MUH-CUL-uh) SET OFF A SMOKE DETECTOR, SENDING THE LOCAL FIREFIGHTERS RACING TO THE SCENE OF A BIRTHDAY PARTY. FIRE CHIEF LONNIE LAMB SAID IT WAS THE FIRST TIME HE'D EVER SEEN A BIRTHDAY CAKE TRIGGER A SMOKE ALARM...WITH DANGER DOWSED, THE FIREMEN SKIPPED HAVING CAKE WITH THE REVELERS BUT STAYED LONG ENOUGH TO HAVE THEIR PHOTO TAKEN WITH THE BIRTHDAY GIRL.
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1 comment:

  1. Good, but don't start with "when" -- you can start with "TWO DOZEN FIREMEN" and fit "EARLIER TODAY" in a bit later in the sentence.

    I'm glad you clarified the pronunciation of her name.

    Keep it in present tense whenever possible: ACCORDING TO FIRE CHIEF LONNIE LAMB, IT'S THE FIRST TIME HE'S EVER SEEN A BIRTHDAY CAKE TRIGGER A SMOKE ALARM.

    9/10

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