Immediate Lead 1#: Pipefitter Duane La Chance was badly burned by an electrified power source while installing new pipelines at the Springfield Municipal Power Plant today.
Delayed Lead 1#: A 55-year-old pipefitter was badly injured after being accidently shocked at the Springfield Municipal Power Plant yesterday afternoon. Project manager Henry Rosen reported the incident.
Immediate Lead 2#: A head-on collision between two local drivers on U.S. 63 in Springfield resulted in at least one hospitalization. The second driver's condition is still unknown.
Delayed Lead 2#: Local residents James W. Cunning, 20, and Wayne Clay, 19, collided head-on on U.S. 63 in Springfield just before noon. While Cunning is listed as stable at Springfield Hospital, Clay's condition has not been released.
To anyone who cares: a "pipefitter" is one word, not two!
ReplyDeleteOops! I see I have "pipefitter" spelled correctly on the assignments page link, but not in the assignment fact sheet. Thanks for the heads up ... plus, that counts as a four-point Copy Edit the World.
ReplyDeleteNow, for your leads ... what's with the euphemism? Why say something generic like "an electrified power source" when you can be specific (and at the same time explain how it happened) by saying that he "accidentally touched a 15,000-volt power line with a piece of angle iron"? Ditto for "bad burned" -- say he has third-degree burns. It's more informative and dramatic.
ReplyDelete#2a works pretty well; #2b would work better if you focused on the injured guy in your lead and left the other guy for graph 2. After all, a fender-bender isn't news; it's only news because someone was injured.
8.5/10
Thank you for the extra points!
ReplyDelete